I’ve been feeling weird lately. Not sad, or anxious exactly like I have before. I think it’s a combination of things, like:
-the fact that I’ll be graduating a semester early in December,
-and I have no fucking clue what I’m going to do when I’m done with school, and my parents want me to know exactly what job I’ll have with my degree in fucking studio art,
-and I’ll have to go to grad school, which means more money that we don’t have, which means more loans.
-Or maybe it’s because I feel like everyone around me has something going on in their lives, or something to do all the time, like jobs and boyfriends, and girlfriends
-and don’t get me wrong, I do too sometimes, with school, and working a couple days,
-but I still take the time to want to hang out with my friends, and it’s hardly ever reciprocated, because of other shit they have going on. (There are exceptions, obviously.)
-I’m just tired of always being the one who tries, always the one who texts first, always the one that asks what they’re doing that day.
-Or it could be this weird existential crisis I’m having because I feel like there’s so much to see and do in the world, but society forces us to go to school and get a job that makes money, so how will i ever have enough time to see everything that i want to see, because I’m so focused on this boring stuff, and I just want to travel, and paint, and go camping, and smoke weed, but that all takes money, so I should work on my career, and that brings me to the beginning again, and just makes me sad.
This is all petty/normal early 20s stuff, I know that, but it’s kind of at a point where I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I’ll get over it, but I think I’m going to take a break from my phone starting tomorrow, and not contact anyone, or try to hang out with people who don’t seem to have the time.
-Isaac, The Fault In Our Stars
The most under-rated quote in the whole book.
When I read the book this is the part that made me cry the most.